Representative Anthony Weiner’s press conference confession is the number one topic in America, replacing the scandal surrounding Dominique Strauss-Kahn and John Edwards, and Arnold Schwarzenegger before that. These men are just the most recent of many whose sexual compulsivity has led to misconduct, lies, and shattered families. Remember Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey, former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, former NY Attorney General Elliott Spitzer, David Letterman, Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Ben Roethlisberger? The same drama may have played out in your family.
What we hear over and over is that these men fell prey to their desire for power. Although this may be true, are these not symptoms of addictive behavior that mental health professionals would consider categorizing as sex addiction? Sexual addiction, or sexual compulsivity, is defined as any sexually-related, compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones, and one’s work environment. The compulsive behavior completely dominates the addict’s life. Sexual addicts make sex a priority more important than family, friends, and work. Sex becomes the organizing principle of addicts’ lives. They are willing to sacrifice what they cherish most in order to preserve and continue their unhealthy behavior.
When an individual’s life has become unmanageable due to addictive and compulsive behaviors, they are wisely counseled to seek “rehab”, that is, treatment. If the addiction were to alcohol or drugs, any of the men named above would have been encouraged to go into treatment. But our culture is slow to recognize sexual compulsivity as the addiction it is. And so we are left with endless speculation about “Why are some men so self-destructive sexually?” The answer is the same as why some people are self-destructive with alcohol or drugs. It can become an addiction, and addicts are self-destructive.
The media has only gone skin deep and has not discussed the foundational root causes for these bizarre behaviors. Yes they say they are sorry, yes they say they won’t do it again, and yes they may be sincere about it. Yet those experienced with addiction know that without treatment, the addict is likely to repeat previous behavior.
I encourage the media to find experts in the mental health profession that can speak to this and provide valuable information that would help everyone better understand this much overlooked addiction to sex – and the treatment that is available for it. It will not go away on its own, and better understanding will begin the healing process for all of us.
Sexhelp.com is a website created by noted psychologist and author, Dr. Patrick Carnes, to help those affected by sexual addiction and compulsivity, whether it be the addict or a friend or loved one of the addict. There is a great deal of valuable information on the site, including assessment questionnaires and extensive resources.
Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: | Anthony Weiner, Sexual addiction, Diane Zimberoff, Wellness Institute, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, John Edwards, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Elliott Spitzer, Tiger Woods, David Letterman, Mark Sanford
Thank you for your thoughtful article. There is also hope through the 12 step program: SLAA = Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
I believe the symptoms of sex addiction with men is fostered by a position of power (classification), not by a desire of power. When you are viewed by others as powerful (helpful to other), individual will gravitate towards this individual for assistance, and probably this is when someone is emotional, spirituality, and physically weak. Personally seeing and counseling with police officers and fire-fighters, I see the same behavior and twisted cognitive reasoning demonstrated by Representative Weiner. The sad outcome is betrayal and lack of safety of the the surviving spouse!